We hear it all of the time on campus: “I don’t need condoms or other safer sex supplies; I’m in a committed relationship.”  In heterosexual partnerships and partnerships between two males, research demonstrates an interesting trend:  those in casual or non-committed partnerships tend to use condoms more frequently than those in long-term or committed relationships. Basically, once relationships get serious, people are less likely to use condoms.

This post is NOT about associating judgment with anyone’s choice about using a condom, but rather, to de-stigmatize condom use in all relationships and partnership situations, whether they’re committed, casual, experimental, long-term, short-term, opposite sex, same-sex, etc.

Why might people stop using condoms in committed partnerships?

The reasoning behind discontinuing condom use in committed partnerships can be quite varied, and might include:

•   Not having sexual acts that necessitate condoms (example: two partners who decide to stop having oral, anal or vaginal sex; or in another example: two females in a partnership who only have oral sex, would use dams rather than condoms; related to this example – keep in mind that many condoms can be easily converted to dental dams for use during oral sex!)
•   Pregnancy risk is not a concern (e.g., pregnancy is not a factor in the relationship and/or some other form of contraception is used)
•   Condoms imply fear or non-awareness of STI status of partner
•   Condoms imply fear or non-awareness of partner monogamy
•   Proposing to use condoms is a breach of partner intimacy in a committed relationship
•   Proposing to use condoms is a way of communicating one’s own infidelity or positive STD status
•   The notion that condoms decrease sexual pleasure
•   Condoms are uncomfortable for partner(s) (e.g., allergy, improper size)

It’s true that both partners getting tested (and treated, if necessary) for STIs/HIV is a way of reducing risk of transmission within a partnership. In theory, if both partners are negative for STIs/HIV and are monogamous, then there’s little to no STI risk in that partnership. However, this idea is complicated by the fact that many STIs are not routinely tested for in exams, and that the frequency and timing of STI/HIV testing matters (one’s status may change with each new partner, for example). All of that said, in cases of total monogamy and recent mutual partner testing/treatment, the risk of STIs may be lower.

However, most of the reasons for condom discontinuation noted above involve larger issues about how we conceptualize condom use. They highlight serious social norms and beliefs (whether factual or not) around condoms, and touch on themes of intimacy, partner communication, fidelity and trust.

Why might people continue to use condoms?

Irrespective of what type of partnership they are in, people start and continue using condoms for a variety of reasons:

•   To continually safeguard against STIs, including those that are not routinely tested for like herpes and HPV
•   If another contraceptive method is used, to provide additional protection against pregnancy in addition to STIs (contraceptive options like the pill, patch and ring have a typical effectiveness of only 92%)
•   To protect against STIs, if STI status is unknown for one or both partners
•   To protect against STIs, if STI testing occurred outside of a testing window period*
•   Many prefer using condoms as the only prevention method
•   Many like condoms because it can delay the time to ejaculation, and therefore keep sex going for longer
•   Many may prefer condoms because they can increase pleasure for their partner (ribbed condoms, studded condoms, etc.)
•   Many may prefer condoms because it allows for quicker and easy clean up afterward.
•   Wearing condoms no matter the nature of your relationship helps reinforce the HABIT. Behaviors are habits, and the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

* Side note: Window period to a period of detection in which you can identify an STI on a test. For the rapid oral HIV test, the window period is around 3 months, so if there was an exposure within 3 months of taking the test, it may not show up on the test.

Let’s Make a Pact

Let’s get rid of the judgment and association of condom use just being for casual hook-ups or non-committed relationships! In fact, let’s open up the discussion even more: there is no one contraception or protective choice best for certain types of partnerships.

•   Condoms are not just for those in non-committed relationships who are fearful of STI status or partner fidelity
•   Hormonal contraception is not the only viable method of protection for committed partners
•   The IUD is not just for women who are married or in serious relationships
•   Hormonal contraception is not just for women who anticipate having multiple partnerships, nor does it make people more likely to engage in sexual activity

There are plenty of reasons why people choose different contraceptive and protection options during sex – and choice is a beautiful thing! The important point here is that thinking thoughtfully about options with a partner is key, as is challenging the norms we set around these choices.  Trained staff at UNC Student Wellness are available to talk through contraceptive options with you through our confidential C.H.A.T.S. feature (ONYEN required), or in appointments by calling 919-962-WELL. And, condoms and other safer sex supplies are available to UNC students through online request, through drop-in at Student Wellness, and through the condom dispensers installed on campus.

 

It feels great to look one of your fears in the face, and dance at it. That’s exactly what I did over the summer: I had a fear of swallowing pills, and recently conquered it.

Continue reading →

Previously on the Healthy Heels blog, I wrote about selecting a method for organizing. We also asked YOU what methods you use, and how happy you are with your organizational techniques.

Well, looks like about half of you all use electronic methods only, and a third of you use some combination of the both paper and electronic methods. Many of you said you  could be a little more happy with your organization techniques, and in this blog post, we’ll present some tips for getting and staying organized.

GETTING ORGANIZED: THE BASICS

Think about what needs to be organized

What are the important things you’d like to organize? Is it tasks, appointments, meetings, ideas, other things? Answering this question will help determine which methods you use to organize and how you choose to organize things. I found it helpful to think about all of the things I wanted to organize, and what kind of information I needed to organize for each.

 

Consider the time-scale of the things you need to organize

My schedule is filled mostly with appointments, meetings, calls, classes, and blocks of work time, so I found it helpful to organize day-to-day. However, as another example, my partner works on longer-term creative projects, and it’s difficult to fit those types of things into days. Instead, he chooses to organize by project.

Know thy resources

What resources do you have available to you already? What resources do others around you tend to use? If you use an email account, do you have a calendar that goes along with that account? For how long will you have this email address available to you? (Beware that school email expires after graduation, and unless you find a way to sync, you may not have access to all of your previous appointments, or your recurring reminder for rent after you leave school.)  Also, I’m not necessarily advocating for using what other people use, but if your friends are always sending you an iCal or Gmail appointment reminder for hanging out, that could persuade you to use the same option.

DEFINE YOUR ORGANIZATIONAL STYLE

Know your learning style

I found that my organizational style was pretty closely tied in with my learning style. In classes, I need to physically write things as part of the learning process. For some reason, when I took electronic notes, the learning process just wasn’t the same. I found that I tended to learn way more and was more engaged in the learning process when I was taking notes down with paper and pen. This is definitely something that varies from person to person, though, so if you’re an electronic note-taker, you may be a great fit for an electronic calendar!

Pick an organizational tool that fits into your day

What are you most likely to look at every day? Try and choose a method that easily weaves into your schedule. For example, I spend most of my days at a desk working on my dissertation (I hope you see this, advisor!), so it was important for me to have something that could sit on my desk, that I would look at every day when starting my work. However, I can imagine that if I were still taking classes and bringing my laptop and/or smart phone everywhere with me, it might have been just as helpful to have an electronic method of organization.

 

CRAFTING THE PERFECT TO-DO LISTS

Divide your to-do lists or tasks by category

It can be really helpful to have categories of tasks when creating a to-do list. I’ve got three running categories each week in my planner: my dissertation (again, hope you see this, advisor!), general life things, and student wellness projects (like writing blog posts). I find that it keeps my tasks tidy, and also means that when I’m working on a particular type of project – like sitting at my desk working on my dissertation – I can hone in on just one category of tasks, without getting overwhelmed by all of the other things I have to do.

Set realistic goals

Ah, the art of phrasing! When writing down a task or creating a to-do list, tasks should be things you can actually accomplish. This probably sounds obvious, but somehow every few weeks I sneak the task of “doing my dissertation” in my planner, and get frustrated because I don’t know when I can cross it off my list. Where possible, it’s helpful to use action words (“make an appointment with…”, “edit the methods section…”, “pay rent”) rather than more ambiguous tasks (“figure out what to do with my methods section…”, “understand who to make an appointment with..”).   Also, if you’re like me and you’re a sucker for crossing things off your list, don’t be afraid to list the things that are just a part of your day or week. “Paying your rent”, “Food shopping”, and “Calling Mom” are all respectable tasks, and will make you feel productive when you cross them off the list!

STAYING ORGANIZED

Sticking with your method(s) – at least for a little while

It can be clumsy when starting a new organizational method, but it’s important to try and stick to a method (or methods) for at least a little while to see how it works for you, and what specifically could work better. In my case, I found that certain things in my planner were easy to consistently keep in my planner—like tasks and appointments. However, bigger things like project planning were difficult to fit in my daily planner. I found it helpful to make explicit agreements with myself about how things were going to be organized. For example, tasks always got written into my paper planner, appointments were also written into my paper planner, but ideas for ongoing projects or event-planning go into an electronic source (e.g., my Evernote file, a dream project spreadsheet, etc).

Anticipate the cross-over

Have a system in place for crossing over between organizational tools. Ultimately, I try and keep all of my tasks and appointments written down in one paper planner. But what happens when I am planner-less and meet with someone who wants to set something up?! Or, what happens when you get an email detailing some tasks to accomplish?  In my experience, lapses in organization can happen when you don’t have a system in place for how you’ll get things into your organizational method. So, in my case, I only book appointments when I’m by my planner, and flag emails that I should follow-up on, and then write in my paper planner that I should follow up there, too.

Do you have any other tricks for staying organized? Let us know in the comments section!

Got sexual health questions? Over at Student Wellness, we’re working on creating an online, anonymous chat feature exclusively for UNC students, where students can ask a trained sexual health counselor questions on topics ranging from safer sex options, to questions about STI/HIV testing, to improving communication within a partnership.

The Sexual Wellness Specialists (formerly CHECS)currently answer sexual health questions during one-on-one appointments and through events on campus.  The chat feature allows UNC students to access sexual health counselors in an additional, convenient way.

We want to know what you think! Help us make the feature better suit your needs by answering the polls, below.

Stay tuned to the HealthyHeels blog and Student Wellness webpage for updates on this project, and others!

The following is a guest blog from Ruth Abebe, a current UNC undergraduate student who is interested in HIV and sexual health.

College is a time when many students are discovering and exploring ourselves and the world around us. This world may include sexuality.

Many college students choose to be sexually active, and college-aged students are particularly likely to engage in risky sexual behaviors and are disproportionately affected by negative sexual health outcomes such as STI or unintended pregnancy.  According to national surveys, many college students are engaging in sexual activity without protection. In a 2011 survey of undergraduate students across the US, approximately 70% of sexually active students reported using condoms inconsistently or not at all during sex in the last 30 days. With all the information out there regarding sexually transmitted infections (STI), unintended pregnancy and ways to prevent them, why do college students still put themselves at risk?

As a college student myself, I have heard several of my peers talk about why they don’t use condoms.  But, there are ways to go beyond these barriers and make sure sexual experiences are safe and pleasurable.

1. Cost — Most of us are on a budget, and the cost of safer sex supplies like condoms is still an obstacle for students when deciding to use protection. However, this is a problem that can be easily remedied. Here at UNC, we have access to free safer sex supplies . Condoms, both male and female, and dental dams, as well as lube, are available to us through UNC Student Wellness and at several residence halls around campus. Furthermore, with the introduction of Wellness’s free condom dispensers, cost will be even less of an issue. Click here for more information on where you can currently access safer sex supplies throughout Campus Health Services.

2. Many consider only pregnancy risk—Some students only consider pregnancy as a possible consequence of unprotected sex. For this reason, many believe they will be able to protect themselves using prescription contraceptives (examples: the pill, patch, ring, IUD, etc.). However, STI risk and protection should be considered in every sexual partnership.  Aside from abstinence, condoms are the only method which can protect against both pregnancy and STIs, including HIV/AIDS. They can also be converted to a dental dam.

3. “Oral sex isn’t sex.” – Many are under the false impression that oral sex is “safe sex.” Oral sex, just like anal and vaginal sex, carries a risk for STI transmission.  Condoms and dental dams can protect against the risk of STI transmission during oral sex.

4. Pleasure Factor— Some college students don’t use condoms during sexual activity because they believe “it doesn’t feel the same.”  But you can do things to make sex with condoms feel just as good. Plus, knowing that you have the protection of a condom can help you to relax and enjoy the moment.  There are several kinds of condoms out there, including “ultra-sensitive” condoms that enhance the feeling of both parties during sex. Using lube can also make sex more pleasurable for both partners. In addition, there are condoms and other safer sex supplies geared toward making sex more pleasurable. Explore different condom styles and protect yourself!

5. “It’ll ruin the moment.” – Some college students are not protecting themselves for fear of ruining the mood of the moment. There are ways around this too. If you are having sex with someone, you can talk about condom use beforehand. Of course, I realize that not all sexual activity will be between two people in either a romantic or ongoing sexual relationship. In these cases, it’s important to place your sexual health above any potential awkwardness. Cases of STIs are on the rise, and aside from the dangers to your health, having an STI can make your sex life more difficult in the future. So, why not protect and enjoy yourself?

Despite these barriers, there are several ways to allay your fears and hesitations about using protection. As college students, preventing against STIs and pregnancy by using condoms is essential to protecting our sexual health.