flashback friday

FLASHBACK FRIDAY: Is Everyone Really Having Sex in College? Myths vs Facts

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Sometimes it can feel like we are surrounded by media stories and images that tell us that college is all about having sex—from movies like American Pie to our popular music, there is a pervasive myth that ‘everyone’ is having sex in college.

However, we know that isn’t true! In Spring 2015, Student Wellness implemented an annual survey called the Needs Assessment on Sexual Health (NASH). The survey revealed that one in four students (both graduate and undergraduate) have never engaged in any sexual activity. The survey defined sexual activity as oral, vaginal, or anal sex—though there are lots of other sexual activities people engage in that fall outside these definitions!

One major take away from our survey is that a significant number of students of all genders aren’t having sex in college, for all sorts of reasons. Some reasons that students gave include preferring to wait until they are in a committed relationship (either long-term or marriage), not having found a partner to have sex with, and moral or religious/spiritual reasons. Other reasons people may not be having sex in college include not being interested in having sex at that point in time, being too busy, recovering from trauma, identifying as asexual, having a hard time meeting someone…the reasons are endless!

We also learned that 85% of students who took the survey said that they feel UNC is supportive of students who choose not to engage in sexual activity. In other words: it’s totally okay to not be having sex or to never have had sex.

Everyone has their own timeline around sex, and the decision to have sex should be centered around sexual readiness rather than societal or peer pressure to have sex. You might be wondering: what is sexual readiness? Sexual readiness is all about feeling physically and emotionally ready to have sex. Some questions people can ask around sexual readiness include:

  • Do you feel comfortable communicating with your partner (whether sexual or romantic) about your wants and needs? Do you feel safe and comfortable with that person?
  • Do you need to think about safer sex supplies and/or contraceptives? If so, do you know where to get condoms/dental dams or contraception? (Hint: the Student Wellness office and the Student Union always have safer sex supplies and you can make an appointment at Campus Health to get a prescription for contraceptives!)
  • Are you educated on how to avoid any unwanted outcomes, such as unwanted pregnancy or STIs?

For more questions to check your sexual readiness, check out this article to learn more. You can also make a free appointment with Student Wellness to talk with a trained staff member about sexual health and sexual readiness by calling 919. 962.WELL (9355) or emailing LetsTalkAboutIt@unc.edu.

Sexual Health Appointments, UNC Student Wellness
Sexual Health Appointments, UNC Student Wellness

Shifting the focus to sexual readiness can be a hard concept to grasp when our society sends mixed messages about sex. There is both a pressure to wait until marriage to have sex as well as pressure to ‘lose one’s virginity.’ But did you know that virginity is not a medical term and that there isn’t an actual medical definition for virginity?

Furthermore, sex means different things to different people. A person can engage in oral sex and still consider themselves a virgin, while for another person engaging in oral sex means having sex. Our cultural understanding of sex tends to be heteronormative, focusing on sex as meaning ‘penis and vagina,’ though we know that there are lots of ways people of all sexual orientations have sex that don’t include this definition.

Because society often promotes unhealthy messages and meanings of ‘virginity’ and ‘sex,’ it’s up to us to understand the context of where these words come from and to find out what they mean to us. People’s personal worth is not based on whether or not they have had sex. Let’s shift the narrative to supporting people to make decisions about their sexual choices around sexual readiness and personal values on sex, rather than feeling pressured by the many messages we get from media and society about sex.

 

Amee Wurzburg is the Sexual Violence Prevention Program Manager at Student Wellness. She is currently earning her Masters in Public Health at the Gillings School of Global Public Health at UNC. Amee received her BA in History from Barnard College of Columbia University. Before moving to North Carolina, Amee worked at an organization in India focused on HIV, where she worked on projects related to rights-violations, LGBTQ health, and domestic violence.

 

FLASHBACK FRIDAY: Condom effectiveness: What’s brand name got to do with it?

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This blog was originally posted on April 25, 2012 and was written by Diana Sanchez.

Condoms are one of the most commonly used contraceptive/STD prevention products used worldwide. The United Nations Population Fund estimated that over 10 billion condoms were used in 2005.  Here on campus, Campus Health Services provides thousands of condoms to students each year.

As a sexual health counselor, I have noticed that many people’s preferences for certain condom brands are based (almost entirely) on their perception of that condom brand’s effectiveness. We offer a variety of condom brands for free to students through Campus Health Services. Occasionally, when people check out the condoms we have available, they’ll ask: “are those safe to use?”, and “don’t those break more than [other condom brand]?”.

So, do some condoms in fact perform better than others in terms of STD/pregnancy prevention?

The answer is no, not really. Condoms are regarded by the United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) as “Class II medical devices”, a designation that includes pregnancy tests and powered wheelchairs.  Products in this category have to meet special labeling requirements and performance standards. For condoms, the FDA standards include systematic “water leak” tests to ensure that no fluid can leak out of the condoms. To meet standards, all condoms must have at least 996 out of 1,000 condoms, on average, pass this test. This means that FDA-approved condoms must be at least 99.6% effective in laboratory tests to be available to consumers.

In a 2004 publication, Walsh and colleagues used condom use data from trials of three bands of condoms, including Trojan, LifeStyles and Ramses – all of which are FDA-approved condom brands. Out of 3,677 condom-protected sex acts analyzed in the study, the authors found that 55 condom acts failed, either due to breaking (16 condoms broke; break rate = 0.04%) or slipping (39 condoms slipped; slip rate = 1%). The likelihood of condoms breaking during sex was not statistically associated with condom brand.

FDA-approved condoms are all quite effective at preventing pregnancy and STD, and performance is probably not related to brand type. You might be wondering if the condoms you’re using are FDA-approved. With the exception of novelty condoms (which are pretty uncommon), just about all of the condoms you’ll come across in the United States are approved by the FDA.  All the condoms we provide through Campus Health Services are FDA-approved, and same goes for places like Planned Parenthood and local STD/HIV clinics. If you’d like to be certain, you can check the condom packet to look for wording about STD and pregnancy prevention. If it’s on the packet, those condoms meet federal regulations for quality and safety.

Check out the following pictures to see how we’ve looked for this language on some condoms we provide at Campus Health Services:

If you can’t find language about STD/HIV prevention on condom packaging, then it’s not FDA approved.
If you can’t find language about STD/HIV prevention on condom packaging, then it’s not FDA approved for STD/HIV and pregnancy prevention.

All of this said, although condoms must be at least 99.6% effective in safety trials, testing conditions do not necessarily mean 99.6% real-life effectiveness for any condom brand. But here’s the good news:  there’s a lot you can do to increase the effectiveness of condoms. One of the biggest challenges to condom effectiveness is correct use.  Some of the most common errors with condom use are: using the wrong lubricant (water-based, NOT oil-based, lubricants should be used with condoms); incorrect storage (ie, storing a condom in a hot place, like a glove compartment, or in a place with lots of friction, like a wallet or pocket); and not checking the expiration date.

FLASHBACK FRIDAY: 10 Day Challenge – It’s Time to UNPLUG!

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This blog post was originally published on November 22, 2013 and was written by Jani Radhakrishnan.

A 2013 Mobile Consumer Habit survey reported that 72% of U.S. adults that own smartphones keep it within five feet of them the majority of the time. [Mine is currently about 8 inches away from my computer!] That same study reported that out of 1102 respondents, 55% USED their smartphone while driving, 33% while on a date, 12% in the shower, and 20% of adults ages 18-34….during sex. O2 released a study that indicated that the ‘phone’ function on a smartphone is the fifth most frequently used function. In fact, the study reports that smartphones now replace alarm clocks, cameras, televisions, and physical books.

https://i0.wp.com/cdn.physorg.com/newman/gfx/news/hires/thenumberofm.jpg
Image from cdn.physorg.com

Have you seen this creative video representing our addiction to phones?

Or read this news article about a San Francisco train shooting where “passengers were too distracted by phones to notice the shooter’s gun in plain sight”? With all this new ‘connectivity,’ we are not actually connecting to the world and the people around us. In fact, surveys indicate that 13% of cell phone owners pretend to use their phone to avoid interacting with people around them.

https://i0.wp.com/images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/14_2008/cell.jpg
Image from teamsugar.com

The other day, my phone died while waiting for the bus [It was horrible!]. So, rather than staring mindlessly in to space, I made some small-talk with a guy heading to Carrboro and told him he could take the J and not wait 45 minutes for the CW. It felt good. It got me thinking….

It’s time to UNPLUG! I have come up with a 10 day challenge, and I invite you to try it with me. Since we all have work, school, and social lives, I have fairly realistic expectations. Still, I think we can semi-unplug from the world more often than we think. So, here it is:

Jani’s 10 day Challenge of Unplugging

  • Day 1 Friday: When you’re out with a partner or friend, make a deal to keep your phones in your pockets, bags, etc.
  • Day 2 Saturday: It’s the weekend! Do not check your work or school email accounts. Not even once.
  • Day 3 Sunday: Invest in a watch! Since it is Sunday, maybe you have some time to go find one. This way, you can check your watch for the time instead of your phone.
  • Day 4 Monday: Read the DTH or a hardcopy of some magazine or newspaper to check out any local events happening this week.
  • Day 5 Tuesday: Do not spend all day at a computer. Time yourself so that every hour, you get up and walk around for about 5 minutes. During that time, say hi to a colleague, another student, or a friend. Whatever you do, do not take your phone with you.
  • Day 6 Wednesday: While eating meals, keep your phone in a separate room, on silent.
  • Day 7 Thursday: At work, your room, or the library, open your email only twice per hour. [Coming from someone who permanently keeps the email tab open while on my computer, I know this will be my biggest challenge]
  • Day 8 Friday: When you are watching television, and a commercial comes on, do anything other than pulling out your phone.  Maybe even jumping jacks!
  • Day 9 Saturday: If the weather is nice, enjoy the outdoors! Go for a hike or to the park, and leave your phone at home or in the car. [If you do not feel safe, keep your phone with you but do not look at it!] If it is rainy or cold outside, enjoy a hot beverage of your choice and a movie in the comfort of your own home, and turn your phone completely off during this time.
  • Day 10 Sunday: It is the last day of the challenge and I am hoping that tomorrow we can return to work or school feeling completely rejuvenated and ready to take on the world. What are we going to do to celebrate? Find a moment to answer a text with a phone call or Skype date instead of another text.

[TIPS for Success: Hey iPhone users, did you know there is a function on your phone called “Do Not Disturb” that will save incoming calls, messages, and alerts for later until you unlock your phone?]

My hope is that together, we can all unplug from this world and be in the moment for at least 10 days and continue some of these habits for our minds’ sake. You will be happier, your friends will be happier, and your mental health and boss or professor may be happier, too!

~JR

FLASHBACK FRIDAY: Baby Steps to Finding a JOB!

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This post was originally published on April 24, 2014 and was written by Natalie Rich.

The semester is winding down, and suddenly you are faced with the prospect of finding the perfect resume-boosting summer job or internship….or perhaps you are graduating–GASP!–and you are looking for your first post-college full time position to launch your super-duper-fabulous career.

No matter what type of job you are looking for, here are some quick tips to get you started:

1. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. 354_1all_the_eggs_in_one_basket

There is no such thing as the PERFECT job, and wedding yourself to one job as the be-all-and-end-all of jobs or /internships can set you up for disappointment, not to mention the fact that focusing on just one opportunity may mean missing out on other cool opportunities. Remember that this next job, whether a summer internship or post-college position, is just a stepping stone; it does not have to be the job you work for the rest of your life or even the career you end up with.

2. Know what you want.

Ok, so you don’t want to focus on just one opportunity, but you do want to have SOME focus in your search. When someone asks “what kind of job are you looking for?”, have an answer ready (hint: “a job that pays” is NOT enough!). Are you looking for a social media internship with a tech company? Trying to land a research assistant position to help prepare you to apply for a grad program in chemistry? Have clear idea of what field you want to work in and how this fits into your overall career goals. This not only helps narrow your search, it also makes you look more appealing to recruiters or potential employers, who want candidates that demonstrate passion and drive.

3. Have an elevator pitch.

Once you know generally what kind of job or internship you want, find a way to articulate along with your skills in an “elevator pitch.” This is a short speech that you can tailor for networking events or job interviews that summarizes what you are looking for and/or what you have to offer. Different situations and different jobs will require a different pitch, but there is a common thread: keep it short. Check out resources for creating your own elevator pitch here and here.

Also, consider writing a quick pitch at the beginning of your resume too. This is slightly different from an objective, which some experts now discourage in favor of the elevator pitch or list of keys skills.

elevator

4. Work your connections.

Notice how I didn’t say “network” because this word tends to drum up visions of awkward meet-and-greets full of scary people in suits. Networking goes way beyond this. It means talking with professors, TAs, friends, mentors, family, and UNC alums. Put the word out that you are looking for a job and the kind of job you want (cue: elevator pitch!). Other ways to network include arranging informational interviews with companies or organizations you are interested in to get an idea of what jobs they are offering and what they look for, and reaching out to supervisors from previous internships or volunteer positions.

5. Check out Career Services!

I could have included tips on drafting the ideal resume or cover letter, prepping for an interview, or conducting an efficient job search, but UNC Career Services has all the resources to help you with those things. They can give you individualized feedback on your resume, cover letter, and interviewing skills as well as a wealth of resources to help guide you through the process of searching, applying, and securing an ideal job for you.

Finding a job can be overwhelming, especially when you have end-of-semester papers and exams to worry about. Keep in mind that this next job will not make or break your career. So, give yourself a break and be flexible. This next job is just a step, and it may be one of many steps you take in your career. Maybe it’s a side step or a baby step…maybe it’s a leap. You’ve made it to Carolina, which already proves you have what it takes to succeed, so let your talents shine and you may be surprised at the opportunities that await you.

FLASHBACK FRIDAY: De-Clutter for Clarity

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This blog was originally published on April 8, 2014 and was written by Brittany O’Malley.

Whether it’s the tradition of spring cleaning, or the demands of our busy chaotic lives, I’ve noticed that the concept of “de-cluttering” seems to be a hot trend lately- websites ranging from Oprah to zen blogs to Buzzfeed are talking about ways to simplify our lives through the process of “de-cluttering.”  But why is “stuff” bad? And in the craziness of our daily lives, who has time to de-clutter?

Why is clutter a bad thing?

organizeDisorganization has been linked to increased stress and decreased productivity, not to mention greater risk of injury (because you are far more likely to trip and fall if your space is a mess!). On the flip side, simplifying your space can help save time and money, decrease germs, and promote focus.

So why is it so hard to get rid of things? 

Even though it seems clear that clutter impacts our emotional, physical, and environmental wellness, it’s still really hard to let go of things. Why is that? A recent study at Yale found that the same area of our brain that fires when we burn our tongues on hot coffee or stub our toes also lights up when we get rid of items. So it feels painful for us to give things up.   Another study showed that just holding or touching an item can cause emotional attachment. So of course it’s hard to throw that item away – you feel invested!

Now, of course this might not be true for everyone. There is a full continuum of “messy” to “neat” types of people out there, which means that tossing stuff is easier for some than others. Overall, though, tidying up your physical, social, and virtual spaces increases clarity in a world full of chaos.

Here are a few tips to get the de-clutter process kicked off:

  1. Focus on one thing at time. Take 10 minutes a day to focus on one de-clutter task: the pile of laundry on the floor, your desk, emptying your backpack. Don’t feel like you have to clean up your whole life all at once- baby steps!
  2. Monitor your social “clutter.” Clutter comes in many forms, including the things we put on our calendar. Be ruthless about saying no or postponing new commitments if your life feels too busy to manage.
  3. Tackle your virtual and mobile world. Take a minute at the end of the day to clear off your computer desktop. Control what phone notifications you receive (do you really want to know every time a celebrity tweets their post-workout snack?). When we are online, we are bombarded with a constant flow of information, so be proactive about setting filters and systems that work for you, not against you.
  4. Don’t worry about perfection. Striving towards simplicity won’t look the same for everyone. Figure out what your “perfect storm” of stuff is and set an attainable de-clutter goal. If you have a roommate, it’s good to talk through what works for them, too- your styles may be different.

decluttertips

FLASHBACK FRIDAY: Barriers to using barrier methods?

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This blog is a guest blog from Ruth Abebe, a UNC graduate interested in HIV and sexual health, and was originally published on April 1, 2013.

College is a time when many students are discovering and exploring ourselves and the condomsworld around us. This world may include sexuality.

Many college students choose to be sexually active, and college-aged students are particularly likely to engage in risky sexual behaviors and are disproportionately affected by negative sexual health outcomes such as STI or unintended pregnancy.  According to national surveys, many college students are engaging in sexual activity without protection. In a 2011 survey of undergraduate students across the US, approximately 70% of sexually active students reported using condoms inconsistently or not at all during sex in the last 30 days. With all the information out there regarding sexually transmitted infections (STI), unintended pregnancy and ways to prevent them, why do college students still put themselves at risk?

As a college student myself, I have heard several of my peers talk about why they don’t use condoms.  But, there are ways to go beyond these barriers and make sure sexual experiences are safe and pleasurable.

1. Cost — Most of us are on a budget, and the cost of safer sex supplies like condoms is still an obstacle for students when deciding to use protection. However, this is a problem that can be easily remedied. Here at UNC, we have access to free safer sex supplies. Condoms, both male and female, and dental dams, as well as lube, are available to us through UNC Student Wellness and at several residence halls around campus. Furthermore, with the introduction of Wellness’s free condom dispensers, cost will be even less of an issue (update: These condom dispensers are now in service! They are located around campus, including in the Union and the Rams Head Recreation Center, and are refilled frequently). Click here for more information on where you can currently access safer sex supplies throughout Campus Health Services.

2. Many consider only pregnancy risk—Some students only consider pregnancy as a possible consequence of unprotected sex. For this reason, many believe they will be able to protect themselves using prescription contraceptives (examples: the pill, patch, ring, IUD, etc.). However, STI risk and protection should be considered in every sexual partnership.  Aside from abstinence, condoms are the only method which can protect against both pregnancy and STIs, including HIV/AIDS. They can also be converted to a dental dam.

3. “Oral sex isn’t sex.” – Many are under the false impression that oral sex is “safe sex.” Oral sex, just like anal and vaginal sex, carries a risk for STI transmission.  Condoms and dental dams can protect against the risk of STI transmission during oral sex.

4. Pleasure Factor— Some college students don’t use condoms during sexual activity because they believe “it doesn’t feel the same.”  But you can do things to make sex with condoms feel just as good. Plus, knowing that you have the protection of a condom can help you to relax and enjoy the moment.  There are several kinds of condoms out there, including “ultra-sensitive” condoms that enhance the feeling of both parties during sex. Using lube can also make sex more pleasurable for both partners. In addition, there are condoms and other safer sex supplies geared toward making sex more pleasurable. Explore different condom styles and protect yourself!

5. “It’ll ruin the moment.” – Some college students are not protecting themselves for fear of ruining the mood of the moment. There are ways around this too. If you are having sex with someone, you can talk about condom use beforehand. Of course, I realize that not all sexual activity will be between two people in either a romantic or ongoing sexual relationship. In these cases, it’s important to place your sexual health above any potential awkwardness. Cases of STIs are on the rise, and aside from the dangers to your health, having an STI can make your sex life more difficult in the future. So, why not protect and enjoy yourself?

Despite these barriers, there are several ways to allay your fears and hesitations about using protection. As college students, preventing against STIs and pregnancy by using condoms is essential to protecting our sexual health.

Practical Lessons from Theatre: Creative Ways to Deal with Stress

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Folks in theatre know a thing or two about stress and stress relief–it’s our primary excuse for playing all of those silly games. Since there is a lot of tension inherent in meeting multiple deadlines, collaborating with a team, and performing in front of people, a lot of theatre training involves cultivating awareness and practicing relaxation. Academic atmospheres hold similar tensions—especially at this time of year. What are your strategies for moderating the physical and emotional effects of stress?

Colorful CrayonsIn Interactive Theatre Carolina’s scene on stress management (Coloring for the Chronically Stressed by student ensemble member, Noel Thompson), an overburdened protagonist meets a fellow student in Davis Library late one night and flips out when he realizes his new friend is coloring.

Victor: NO! This is an important point! Why are you coloring?

Sunny: (Sighs) Ok, if you really want to know. You know how when some people need to unwind, they run? Or some people do drugs, some people play music, some people get as far away from the library as possible? I don’t adhere to that structure. As some form of cosmic middle finger to the universe, I come to Davis, the place where I do all my work, and I do the least productive thing I can think of.

Victor: So you come here, and you…color?

Okay, but really: have you tried this lately? Coloring is way better than you probably remember. Furthermore, there have been numerous studies showing the benefits of music, expressive writing, and art for mental and physical health. Engaging in these activities has been shown to lower heart rate and boost the immune system. Also…they’re fun.

Maybe you don’t consider yourself an artistic person. It doesn’t matter. When you’ve been toiling in a performance-driven academic environment, part of the beauty of taking on a creative endeavor is that it can be valid and helpful no matter the “quality” of the product.

If you’re someone who already engages in a creative pursuit, consider switching mediums. It can be liberating to get back to a beginner’s mind where the stakes are low and your identity isn’t tied up in the work.

So sometime in the coming weeks, take a break, find some crayons, and color. Or sing, and sing off-key. Finger paint. Invent a game. Keep a gratitude journal. Make a collage. Try to draw a portrait of your cat or a representation of your brain. Pull out that old Casio keyboard and make up a tune.

Here are some links that might help get you started: http://journalingprompts.com/ http://www.happyhealthyher.com/mind-spirit/art-therapy/

Allowing your brain some variety and opportunity for expressive outlet shouldn’t be considered a waste of time—it’s an important, healthy release. If you need a little more convincing, check out this study: http://apt.rcpsych.org/content/11/5/338.full

Of course, we recognize that crayons aren’t a cure-all.  If your stress or anxiety levels escalate, you can always find support at Counseling and Psychological Services

This blog post was originally published on April 16, 2013 and was written by Sarah Donnell. It has been updated and reposted for clarity.

FLASHBACK FRIDAY: How to Help an Intoxicated Friend

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This blog post was originally posted on March 5, 2013 and was written by Natalie Rich. 

Next week is Spring Break. Maybe you and your friends have plans to relax under palm trees in a sunny tropical location. Maybe you are going home to reunite with all your buddies from high school. Maybe you are sticking around Chapel Hill. Whether your Spring Break plans involve productivity or partying, you may be in a situation with people who are intoxicated. So, here are some tips on how to be the best friend/bystander to someone who has had a bit too much…

1.       Telling people they’ve had too much

It helps to have a conversation with friends beforehand to get an idea of what is too much for them or signs that it’s time to switch to water. That will make it easier to broach the subject later on in the night. If you haven’t talked to your friend beforehand, you can still talk to him in the moment. Offer him a cup of water or simply suggest going home. If your friend is just gearing up to have a good time and wants to keep drinking, try getting support from others to intervene. You don’t want to gang up on him, but having multiple people suggest that he slow down or take it easy on the shots may help.

If you are worried about a friend’s drinking, here is some information on how to have that conversation with him/her

2.       Taking keys away from someone

car-keys-use-this-oneThe easiest way to help people avoid drinking and driving is to establish a plan at the beginning of the night. If you are hosting, collect keys as people come in the door and keep numbers for cab companies handy. If going to a party, agree on a DD or take a cab to and from the party. You may find yourself in a situation where a friend insists on driving after she has been drinking. She may think she is fine to drive, but even small amounts of alcohol can impact decision-making and driving ability. Plus, the legal limit for driving if you are under 21 is 0.00 (0.08 for 21 and up) which means any amount of alcohol puts her at risk for DUI. When a friend insists she is fine to drive, it can be tricky to convince her she is not. Again, getting support from others might help. Call a cab for your friend or offer to drive her home if you are sober or ask a DD at the party to drive her home. Remove as many barriers as possible, so that it becomes easier for her to choose getting a ride home rather than driving.

3.       Know what alcohol poisoning looks like and know what to do.

If your friend is experiencing any of these signs, it may be alcohol poisoning:

  • Throwing up
  • Passed out and cannot be woken up
  • Incoherent speech
  • Shallow breathing
  • Pale, bluish, or clammy skin

If you suspect alcohol poisoning, here’s what to do:

  • Call 911
  • Stay with the person or have someone (not intoxicated) stay with the person
  • Try to wake up the person
  • If lying down, keep them lying on their side (to reduce risk of choking on vomit)

Resources:

  • Campus police—962 8100
  • After hours Healthlink (to speak to a nurse after hours)—962 2281
  • UNC ER—966 4721

For more detailed info on how to help an intoxicated friend who may have alcohol poisoning, check out this great post on Go Ask Alice.

4.       Take care of yourself when the people around you are intoxicated. 

stock-footage-happy-young-student-studying-at-home-and-smiling-is-joyfulNo matter what kind of situation you find yourself in, don’t forget to take care of yourself first. That means leaving a party that’s getting out of control to avoid legal risk. That means telling your suitemates to keep it down so that you can go to sleep. And it means listening to your gut. If you get a bad vibe from a party, tell your friends and suggest an alternative. If you don’t feel like going out, then take a night to yourself and stay in. Being a good friend is not just about taking care of others; it’s about knowing how to take care of yourself too.